All in a day off
After the previous week of having just one too many taxing situations, I thought I deserved to have two days off. My first day off I went shopping and drove everyone mad with selfies in the dressing room, texting them at work with:
“How does this look? Will I buy it?”
Which is a pretty unusual thing in itself, as all I usually would buy is grooming clothes or tools or something else grooming related…
The next morning I decided I would go for a power walk and take in a bit of fresh air. There is a lane next to my house that leads down to a lovely walk along the bog and that’s where I headed.
No sooner was I around the first bend when two oversized Labradors that really needs a groom (please don’t give them my number) stormed me with loud barking and back hairs raised. Now I know that my body language was to blame for this aggressive meet, but there is nothing relaxed and friendly about power walking. It is all about aggressively getting there as fast as you can, expelling power and forcing your way forward come rain or wind or dogs. I was already in my stride and really did not want to break the energy I had going so I decided to continue and try and ward them off with a few: “Oi! Fuck off home” curses.
I tried to look the other way and hoped for the best, only to reach the next bend untouched with a large golden retriever heading straight for me. Like an arrow out of Robin Hood’s bow he had no intention of changing direction. I had no more oi fuck off home’s left in me, I could not see any sticks either and so all I could do was to pinch my eyes shut and visualise how the pain would eventually evaporate after the initial chomp out of my butt.
Instead of biting me he jumped up on my back, leaving two big muddy paw prints slide from my shoulder down to my waist. And as if he wanted to say: “tag, you’re it!” he proceeded to take ME for a walk, always staying a few feet in front of me, regardless of the left or right turns I made.
He looked around ever so often as if to say:” come on girl, can’t you keep up?!” and apart from yelling at him once to mind the passing car and another time to leave the dead bird carcass alone he pretty much kept me going with his tail wagging the pace of a military “left, right, left, right!”
Even when I turned around he turned back with me without having to ask, passed me and proceeded to lead the way back up the lane again.
When we reached his house he stopped at the gate, waving me off with his wagging tail and then disappeared around the back of his house…maybe for a drink of water but I think probably to tell his human to go prepare the invoice for dog walking services rendered. Oh, and don’t forget to add the two free Nike-like stripes down my back.
Passing the two angry Labradors they were now laying on their porch and just lifted the head slightly. One left a single meagre bark in acknowledgement, maybe because by now all the power was out of my power walk and the attack turned into a taunt.
I can tell you one thing is for sure: you can get a dog out and away from the groomers, but day off or not – it don’t seem likely to get a groomer away from the dogs.